i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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