it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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