69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
