I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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