and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
