First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
