I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
