I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
