OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
