oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
