Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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