he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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