I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
