he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you inspire me to be a worse person
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
