oh god the rape fog is back!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So squirting runs in the family.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
