the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
