I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize