shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
