im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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