I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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