my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize