some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
