We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
