so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
