woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
