I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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