Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize