my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
