During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
