so explain again why im purple
no
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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