So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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