I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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