what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize