Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
