I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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