highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize