I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
