Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize