the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
