This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
