My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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