i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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