I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You have to summon your inner elephant
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
