you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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