I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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