I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
