I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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