I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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