I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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