friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We are two peas in an std pod
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
