do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
