i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
