Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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