Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
