Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
