so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
