i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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