I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm like, not good at living.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
