So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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