My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
