I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
