I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
