see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
