Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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