I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
