what day is it and did you see me today?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
