Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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