Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
