Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she woke up with a sticky ear
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
