who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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