Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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